What feelings do those words bring up in you?
For many people the title Sex Worker brings up feeling of disempowerment, disenfranchisement, or a picture of one who is at least begrudgingly – if not forcibly – trading sex for money. For many people, “sex worker” is a sad statement.
It brings up a lot of questions that I’d like you to consider:
What is sex? Is it penis in vagina? Or does it encompass more than that? Does orgasm need to happen for something to be considered sex? Do genitals need to be involved? Does touching need to happen? What about sexual energy exchanged?
Is it ok for someone to enjoy sex, whatever our definition of that is? But I mean, actually, really enjoy it? And if we enjoy it… can we tell other people that we enjoy it?
Is it ok for someone to enjoy making money? Is it ok to feel empowered and sexy while making money, or do we need to keep it a secret, because it’s not humble or spiritual? Is it alright for money to feel sexy?
When I consider these questions and come up with answers for myself, I recognize that yes, I am a sex worker. And this is true in multiple ways.
Not only do I coach others in the realms of their sexuality through online sessions and workshops (no touching, discourse-based), but I am also a stripper in a nightclub, and have been on and off for many years (how many years I won’t say here, because this bring into the picture yet another quiet judgement around sexuality and age…). And I also teach pole dancing classes, which is a sensual and artistic form of dance.
Nearly every arena in my life is connected to teaching about and exploring sexuality and it’s spiritual connection.
And for the most part I deeply enjoy my work. In fact I prefer to call it play, because that’s what it is to me. Becoming a stripper again after many years absence from it was an inspired move – during meditation one day, I was asking my higher self how I could shift my finances, and have enough time to teach and write my next book. Working as a stripper was the answer that came through, and it felt joyful and warm. To be honest, I still feel that need to remind myself of this inspiration often, as the predominant ideology surrounding stripping is the opposite of spiritual and joyful.
In my own small way I aim to change this collective perception around stripping. When I go into the club to dance, I meditate beforehand. I do energy work with those I am dancing for, as I believe energy work is often simply a transmission of love energy, and when I am enjoying what I do I am in a state of eminent love. I try and be as conscious as possible, as is the truth for everything I do in my life.
I recently told a friend that I am blessed because everything I do for work right now I absolutely love, and if I don’t love something I just don’t do it, knowing that I am not a prisoner to my work in any capacity. This a new development for me, and I’m so grateful.
I have difficult days too, and days where it’s hard to motivate myself to work, or days where I feel conflicted or confused – but I am human. I also realize that I can modify anything that I do to bring even more joy – so if something feels off, I allow myself to explore that feeling with openness, and then it will lead me to operating in a way that feels more joyful and aligned.
Teaching and existing in the sexual realms has been a gift of grounding and completeness. As a starseed, connecting to my body in a conscious way has made my love for life so BIG, and so much more comfortable. I suffered in being alive before I accepted this part of myself. I now deeply love my body and this temporal reality, and want to play endlessly!
So what does the term “sex worker” mean to you?
To me, it is one who works in the vast realms of sexuality, and I do this very work with love and joy.
Special thanks to my new friend Coryelle Kramer who coined the term “Sex Artisan” which I will now be taking on as my title! Gratitude to Anne More for hosting the dinner party that started the conversation and the Sexual Blueprints mentorship, and Jenny Gallucci for being an inspiring comrade in the world of sexological education <3