How To Deal With Anger: A Life-Changing Practice

Anger is often a secondary emotion, used to help keep us "safe" from feeling out of control. Often underneath feelings of anger is fear, sadness, jealousy, and other emotions that seem unpleasant to our ego.

The most powerful way that I have found to dissolve anger is to instantly become vulnerable, and speak those feelings that our anger is trying to protect us from. How do we know if we're getting really vulnerable? True, deep vulnerablity leaves us feeling a surge of self-love. When we express those feelings that our ego is trying to mask with anger, our heart becomes vulnerable and opens, and we feel very strong and safe in that moment. In a moment of true vulnerability, it doesn't matter what anyone says to us as a result, because we are empowered with self-love.

Mudras to Assist with Ascension Energies

During yesterday's online meditation I was shown a new mudra we can use to assist in running the energy of this particular wave of ascension energy.

Many of us seem to be exploring the space between worlds or realms. This is the dreamscape, also known as the astral realms or the fourth dimension. We are learning a lot about time, and the space of no-time, as well as the insanity of the mental realms.

Mudras can help us move through energy shifts because, when we use our hands, we are consciously running our heart energy. Being anchored in the Heart space will guide us through the astral realms, and help us receive the higher truth lessons through these shifts.

 
 

The Spiritual Significance of Sexual Attraction

Why are we attracted to certain people, and not others?

For our soul purpose, our sexual attractions play an important role in magnetizing us directly to those people we are meant to connect with, in order to learn a lesson that we desire to learn.

This lesson isn't always a fun one. While we may have wishes or expectations of how this attraction will play out (a long-lasting loving relationship? Fulfilled desire?) often our lessons come in the form of pain or sorrow. But don't discount the fun and pleasurable experiences we have - at times too, our lessons show up as ecstatic joy! This is a very valuable thing to learn in life, and can indeed be brought to us through attraction to another person.

To be conscious within what we are experiencing, while also allowing the multidimensional knowing of the human experience, we can ask the question: "What are you bringing into my life? What lesson is there within this connection?"

And then, of course, PLAY! Don't deny yourself the human joys and trials of learning. Instead, play with your experience, and allow yourself to make new choices.

Love to you!

Allison

 

 
 

How to Meditate: Super Easy Meditation Practice

A lot of people whom I talk to lately have told me that they have a hard time meditating. They express that don’t really know what to do, or they find it miserable and uncomfortable, another chore to add in to their day.

But meditation is really so simple, as easy as taking a breath! By taking small moments to close our eyes, tune in, and breathe throughout the day, we easily and naturally build up to a regular meditation practice, because our minds start to register meditation as a pleasurable experience.

 

What Is Your Life Purpose?

This is a big question for a lot of people - what am I here for? What is my purpose, and how do I live it? The short version is that your life purpose is to shine your energetic frequency, and from bringing your frequency, your life path and work will reveal themselves. We are so focused on doing in our society that it can be confusing to understand how simple this is; but through focusing on our energy first and shining our unique frequency, we find our inspiration along the way and life the life we were born to live, day by day.
 

Ending a Relationship with Love

relationship-2005175_960_720.jpg

For many of us, the end of a relationship means ugliness: bitter fights, painful arguments that never feel resolved, and eventually divorce or separation, while fighting over all that was once shared, including custody of kids, and forcing friends to choose sides. I understand – when fights ensue, and pride gets hurt or we don’t feel heard, sometimes it can feel that the only way out is to rip the band-aid off completely in whatever way we can, to push for the separation that we need. 

Last year, my husband Wind and I were going through a rough patch. Our marriage up until this point had seemed unbreakable, and we had been through an incredible amount together as partners – far more than most in just four years. We had traveled through more than 10 countries on a tiny budget, lived in our minivan together for months, lived on communes, and with my parents. We had gone through the various intense shifts and dissolving of illusions that our awakenings had brought, had plant medicine journeys together, he had nursed me through my own heartbreaking sickness, and more recently, we had opened our marriage to polyamory. It was all an intense ride, but we had done it together and it had all bonded us tightly.

But slowly, the need for separation started showing itself. After all our closeness, we both started recognizing that to move forward, we needed to be individuals. Wind took a job that was out of state to satisfy his desire to travel and give me the space I was wanting. We had some arguments throughout this time of separation, but truth be told we weren’t fully aware of what was happening until it was upon us. Through a series of discussions and heated arguments, we began talking about our separation as something that needed to be more formal. That big ugly word – Divorce – came up.

I was completely devastated – I never thought that this would happen. Wind was the love of my life, my twin flame! It was never supposed to be like this. Separation was one thing, but to think of divorcing made everything inside of me hurt, especially the thought of going through that process with all the pain and unresolved emotions that we both were feeling.

As we were talking, discussing what we thought was inevitable, it occurred to me that there may be another way. After all, we weren’t feeling the need for divorce because we hated each other; we just somehow needed to acknowledge what was already happening, and do something concrete that would help us honor this and move on in our own paths. Through the tears, one of us said,

“What if we treated this separation the same way we treated our marriage? What if we turned it into a ceremony or something really beautiful?”

At that, the entire mood shifted. Surprisingly, we both started to get really excited at the prospect of making this transition a sacred moment and creating a ceremony together.  With just a simple reframing, we had changed the entire energy around what we were experiencing from devastatingly hurtful to a celebration of our strength. With a ceremony, we could honor the truth of the matter: that we cared deeply for each other and yet needed our autonomy; that our love for each other was so great that we could set each other free.

We planned the ceremony for Christmas day. We wrote vows to each other, just as we had done for our wedding, and we gathered symbolic items to create a sacred space. We even considered having one of our friends officiate our ceremony, but in the end decided to keep it private and avoid the need to schedule anything. And because we were living long distance at the time, we had to do the whole thing over skype. But it was a beautiful moment for us both. Though we were still dealing with the fatigue of our saddened hearts, taking the time to honor each other and our changing relationship was incredibly healing.

Why is it that we feel the need to end relationships with ugliness? Sometimes it is unavoidable – when a relationship ends and two people have been working on their differences for years and are saturated with frustrations, it makes sense that there would be a lot of animosity. With all the endless fighting, we may have lost trust in ourselves and our partner that we are capable of ever having peace again. Maybe we feel that fighting creates a clean break, and we’re worried that without intense anger and turning each other into enemies that we’ll be weak, and change our minds, returning to a damaging situation. 

There are many reasons that we may end our relationship with fighting and anger. My desire here is to offer another way to move through such a transition: through a loving ceremony. 

For Wind and me, the biggest surprise of all was that our ceremony allowed us to transition into a new level of friendship, almost immediately, without straining over our previous marital expectations of each other. Creating a sacred moment helped us to give a name to what we were experiencing and honor the it, while also giving space for the grieving process to occur. This allowed us to become present with our relationship in its new state. Through ceremony, we were able to move beyond the relationship with the same honoring and love that we began it with.

The Guru at The Top of The Mountain

  Image source: Michael Maslin

Image source: Michael Maslin

Many of the old mythology and stories around finding enlightenment talk of a guru sitting in meditation at the top of a mountain. Mere mortals, who have not become enlightened, follow their hero’s journey to scale this summit and ask the sacred guru their one question, to learn the meaning of life through the guru’s enigmatically sparse answer.

Times are changing, and we are no longer in the age of the guru; enlightenment is no longer reserved for only a handful, as masses of the human population are experiencing awakenings and rapidly launching into hyper-reality which, in an instant or even over the course of a few days or months, can bring one to the state that was anciently known as enlightenment. And while we still need help to find our way through this maze, we no longer reserve the status of guru to a few chosen beings. It is within us all; we become it consciously.

For a while – or for some, the rest of their lives – our awakening spawns a fearful need to change the world. Talk of conspiracy theories, doom, and gloom, and all the fun-house aspects of the fourth dimension take our attention. But this is merely a sign of what is within – our shadow work still needs to be dealt with if we see the world surrounding us as in danger, or needing to change. If we are still in fear and the need to change or control, we are not yet unified within. our vision of truth needs to expand.

In a highly complex universe that is based on energy, there can be no wrong. To believe that it is possible to create an error shows that we must expand our understanding of the workings of the All. Truly, the universe is so complete and quantum that it cannot be “broken”.
— The Era of The True Creator

The fun part in our journey comes when we have integrated the knowledge of enlightenment, released the shadow stories, and are able to see beyond the duality to embrace All. This is where play begins. we appreciate, love, and embrace the human experience for all that it is, and learn that even our perceived pain and suffering is a joy – a ravishingly delicious and all-encompassing experience to have.  The joy of simply being human becomes indescribably fulfilling.

We have climbed the mountain already, and have seen the view from the top. And NOW, maybe we want to hike around a bit! Maybe we want to have a picnic or even build a house on the hillside, which we find just as beautiful as the top summit. Because we have been to the top of the mountain and we know experientially that it exists, what it feels like in our bodies, we know that we can go there at any time we choose. And just as in the story of Siddhartha, maybe after all that we've come to know, we want to be a ferryman.

Of course this is a symbolic explanation – there is no summit to reach, no end to our journey, even in ascension. But what I am trying to show here is that we come to a point where our desire for continued growth guides us to let go of the linear model of what our ascension process can look like. We cease to be confined to the idea of ascension being a one-way trajectory, a teleological journey.

Ascension becomes Expansion.

Expansion involves being multidimensional in our scope of our experience. We are not just “going up” as we may be thinking, but are integrating the full experience of life, and exploring whatever aspects we choose. This is not a path of renunciation of the human experience, but PLAY within it. The path of the True Creator is one of embracing All That Is, and knowing new viewpoints and creative pursuits within it.

Play allows us the creative human experience without the confines of dualistic judgment. Through play, we continue our expansion with ecstatic joy in the journey, no matter what it looks like.

Real Sex Is Like Chocolate Cake

Real Sex is like Chocolate Cake.jpg

I was watching porn recently (don't judge) when the realization struck me: I was incredibly bored. At first this sent me into a momentary panic, my mind anxious with the possibilities. Why wasn’t anything I watched turning me on? What if I have somehow lost my libido?

Obviously, I’m not an inherently patient person – this was not a long-standing issue I was having with a lack of arousal, but entirely situational and also entirely in that moment, though the feeling had been creeping in for a long time.

Slowly a greater understanding came to me as I examined my boredom. Porn just wasn’t real, and I knew what real was.

Porn represents a completely different version of sexual pleasure than what I know to be true; the situations and excitement presented, though at times is genuine, is based on a surface-level version of sex that is fast and high-intensity, with the climax simply for dramatic show and void of any emotion. I was especially struck in this moment by the showy climax of porn; how could they experience all that stimulus and not feel love or tenderness, or have some outpouring of emotion? None of these sentiments were shown - it was as if nothing had happened.

My orgasms are certainly not like that, and I realized that for a long time, likely because of porn, I though my orgasms were too extreme, and it made me not want to have them. 

Many of us have had these porn-like experiences – quick moments of intensity that are purely carnal, ravenous, or fun. And sex can be like that too. The issue is that most of us stop developing beyond this feverish version of sexuality without knowing that there is so much more, and this more is often what we are seeking when we log on to porn channels trying to find stimulation.

For me, though, these models of how sex looks have become old news, to the point that they don’t even give me a hint of arousal. Real sex has become both slow and intoxicatingly present. It is an act of spontaneity and real pleasure. None of the excitement is lost, though many of the actions seen in porn have gone missing because they don’t actually do anything for me or my partners. Sex has become a way to discover, release, play, and connect to myself and another on an ecstatically pleasurable, and at times even transcendent, level.

My sexual experience (both solo and partnered) has become so much more fulfilling than porn that, in that moment, trying to watch it felt cartoonish and lackluster, or like I was chewing on cardboard in place of a rich chocolate cake – or even a refreshing and quenching green juice!

I remembered a key revelation I’d had previously that is included in my book, The Era of The True Creator:

"Boredom… has an important role to play in our expansion – it comes when we reach a mental breaking point from the loop of recreated drama. This feeling is the window to truth, a brief recognition of our true potential and the jumping off point for an expansive, limitless creation. Upon reaching moments of boredom, savor the feeling! From this limitless space, we can begin to look for creative pursuits that will assist us to grow in ways we haven’t before."

With this realization, I felt calm. I finally answered that nagging question I’ve been having for a while: “Sure this automatic sex is boring, but do I have the commitment to pursue something greater? Do I trust that there is something within me that is capable of reaching beyond?"

Yup. I’m ready for some chocolate cake.

Mindgasms Are Real: The Pineal Gland as a Clitoris

Mindgasms are real: the pineal gland as a clitoris

Most people tend to think of an orgasm as a centralized experience, a physical sensation that happens in the genital area of our bodies. Indeed it can be such a powerful physical sensation that it can distract us from recognizing the energetic movement that occurs during these muscle contractions.

To experience other types of orgasm that can be felt in many areas of our bodies, we need to open our perception beyond the knowledge of pure physicality and tangibility into the realms of sensing energy, and we need to know how to activate and run this energy. By learning to run our energy throughout our body and auric field, all of our energy centers open up and amazing things can happen. The pleasure that is produced and centered in one area – as in a joyful thought in our mind, or a sexual orgasm in our genitals – can be distributed and multiplied throughout our entire system. This has the effect of a joy-filled, ecstatic aura and a happy, healthy body.

Before recently diving into sexuality coaching and sensual touch therapies, I practiced Reiki energy work for two years. A Reiki session involves channeling universal energy through my crown chakra and down through my hands, then directing this energy into another person’s energy field, as well as “reading” or perceiving the subtle energies of their field to know where to direct this energy. During a Reiki session I can “see” visual representations in my mind of what is happening inside someone’s body and energy field.

During one particular session on a man attending a plant medicine retreat, I held my hands near his head and read the energy there. In my mind’s eye I saw a picture of his auric field: just to the front of his third eye was an opening that looked like the entrance to a vagina. I was shown that I needed to ask to enter his auric field through this opening, and then connect with what was occurring in his pineal gland area.

My processing this afterwards lead me to the thought: what if we can stimulate the pineal gland to produce an orgasm in our minds?! How would one do such a thing?

I then perceived that his pineal gland was large and very active; it was actually throbbing with activity, and I could see it pulse as if it were an engorged clitoris! Talking with him after the session, he shared that he was incredibly sensitive and activated in his third eye, and often had waking visions as well as visionary dreams.

My processing this afterwards lead me to the thought: what if we can stimulate the pineal gland to produce an orgasm in our minds?! How would one do such a thing? My initial ideas involved using sounds to stimulate the pineal gland through vibration, having heard a bit about the sound vibrations the yogis tune into through mantra for the purpose of activating these centers. I attempted humming and vocalizing towards this aim, but I admit I was impatient, and the stimulation it produced was too subtle for me to feel any results. (I am currently revisiting this technique - I will share what I find.)

But what did end up producing a mental orgasm was spinal breathing during sex with my husband. Once, as we were making love and I felt myself getting close to climaxing, I began spinal breathing, a process of bringing my energy up through my spinal column, from my tailbone and up to the base of my skull, then into the center of my mind and through the top of my head. I felt a clean white stream of light running all the way up my spine that entered my brain, and as I orgasmed, the pulse of the orgasm filled my skull, the gentle throb of energy rolling through my mind. It was a wonderful feeling, subtler that I would have expected but still very pleasurable.

Spinal breathing has been an integral part of my energy practice since I learned it several years ago. To incorporate it into your personal practice, watch the video below where I describe the process. (Please note, this video was posted a year ago on my old YouTube channel - my new YouTube channel can be found HERE.)

 

Questions? Contact me or schedule a session.

May you be filled with ecstatic pleasure.

 
Holley_FB Banner.jpg

Why am I a sexuality coach?

Like many of us, I grew up in a rather conservative and religious household, where right and wrong was clearly defined through the doctrines of the church that we attended. As is common in religion, there were acts that were deemed sinful, and ways to correct ourselves from these acts if they occurred. For us this was called the repentance process, and entailed a recognition of the sin through confession to a church authority, followed by a period of time spent in contrition and seeking forgiveness from god.

I bring this up because it set up a specific process in my life that continued well into adulthood. To summarize, my process was this: sin now, repent later, and feel bad about myself and any possible sexual desires I have ALL the time. Each cycle held two forms: for a while I would be liberated and pursue my curiosities in life, though there were always underlying feelings of shame and worry that I was doing something wrong; this was then followed by time spent deep in the study of very fulfilling spiritual practices, where I would reject my sexual nature and feel slightly false and incomplete.

This internal process continued well after I stopped practicing religion at age 20. The surprising thing for me was to see that it continued even after I had my spiritual awakening in 2012.

As soon as my awakening began, sexual pleasure vanished from my scope. I was suddenly able to perceive multidimnesionally, and I felt disturbed and somewhat traumatized to see what was happening on an energetic level when we engaged with others in sexually manipulative or unconscious ways, and at the time I didn’t have the tools to deal with it all – my world during the beginning of my awakening was being completely turned upside down, and all I wanted to do was find my newly placed footing.

I also felt pleasure coming through in new and fascinating areas: channeling, intuitive learning, and all the completely new experiences I was having filled me up with a new kind of ecstasy, and sexual pleasure paled in comparison for a brief amount of time.

And though its true that my time was taken up with these new areas of intense learning, it was also true that I still felt conflicted about sex. I wondered why I didn’t want it anymore, and came to realize that I had never really liked it much. Sex to me in the past had been an avenue of social connection, experimentation and playful (yet disconnected) exploration. It had never been fulfilling, and I slowly realized – shockingly – that it had never even physically felt very good to me. This lack of physical pleasure had nothing to do with what my partners had or hadn’t done, or how well they did it; it had everything to do with my inability to let go and enjoy the pure pleasure of sex.

Coming to unify this rift over the past four years has been a slowly unfolding process, as graciously, the universe has been guiding me to see that pleasure and spirituality are not really two separate pursuits, but one in the same.

Though I felt afraid to explore sex because it didn’t fit with my ideas of what I was supposed to be or do as a “spiritual” person, compulsion took over – eventually my body put up a fight where I didn’t want to look and my craving to have some unnamable force within me fulfilled caused me to be distracted daily. I found myself wanting to play again, as I had before my awakening, to explore pleasure in many ways, but I didn’t know how to do it in a new and developed way with all that I had learned about energy and congruency in the past years. My internal tension grew: I couldn’t let go, and yet my body propelled me towards fulfillment.

The energetic universe is a funny place – as Rumi says, “that which we seek is seeking us”. Though I tried to find logical outlets for my desires, what inevitably showed up was circumstances that were unplanned and messy. Through lots of pleasure and also LOTS of heartache, all that my body was yearning for came to me in various forms – and it was all incredibly enlightening.

The past six months have been a whirlwind of integration, allowing me to become a unified, sexual being for the first time in my life.

And as soon as 2018 came around, another calling showed itself to me, quite clearly.

I moved from Santa Fe NM to the Pacific Northwest – and from sunny days to constant rain. As I meditated at the hilly summit of a nearby hiking trail, I asked, “What am I doing here? What do I do now?” and I immediately heard, “You are here to be a sexuality coach. Don’t get another job. Just do this.”

I see now that this is a natural progression for my life: I was a stripper in my early 20’s, and later owned a pole dance studio for five years. My spiritual/sexual cycle brought me to explore a diverse range of experiences that can bring us pleasure, from the crown chakra to the root and everything in between and beyond. These past experiences, coupled with the intuitive gifts I work with and the coaching I have done for three years now come together to form a clearer picture that I have been on this track for much of my life, though it is still a surprise to me.

So now, I offer myself to the process. I'm excited to see where this all leads.

 

For more information on what I offer, please visit the SESSIONS page.